Self-Love Exploration
Today as I begin to write, the vulnerability is in pure & raw form + has been for days. Jumping from warm + soft, full-bodied + curvy tingly feelings to sharp, jagged, harsh, quick daggers. Back + Forth.
As I reflect back on my life, where I am now in relation to where I have come from is nothing short of a miracle. Many miracles. It helps me when I begin to compare myself to others.
Most recently it has changed quite dramatically in many ways over the past 3 years. When I say it has felt like a lifetime, I’m sure many of you can relate.
This up-leveling in life appears to be quite magical, vastly deep + overwhelmingly expansive.
I am able to feel gratitude dancing within my body.
Presence has reached new levels with myself + my relationships with the beautiful characters in my life. With this deeper presence + awareness, comes the new level challenges. The dazzlingly unique, beautiful + intentional lessons.
After a levelling-up, we are ready to address the deeper level of our patterns, belief systems, and ways of being. We can become so completely repulsed and turned off by the aspects of us that show up, based on our conditioning, values + beliefs.
We can feel hateful. Full of rage. Unworthy. Undeserving. Unloveable. Full of doubt. Intense loneliness. Assumed separation.
It can stir up a pain so deep and seemingly real we are overcome by it.
The infamous Imposter Syndrome…
Physical symptoms may appear or get agitated. Do not be discouraged.
I am choosing to believe that even though I feel that way from time to time, I am still worthy of love. I am still worthy of holding myself. Speaking divine love to myself. Honoring myself. Listening to myself. Creating the life of my dreams. Aligning with my highest expression so I may be of highest service to humanity and this Universe.
This is my journey, what I sought out to do. What many of us came here to do.
As I continue to embody the powerful creator being that I am, I’m still not completely sure on what to do with all of this freedom + power. I still find ways to dampen and numb. Shrink down. Lash out. Steep in some fear for a bit. Hang out with old ways of doing things. Ways that don’t serve.
Then I remember I get to chose. And I chose to love myself. All of this self. I think it came back, but realize it never left. That’s the thing about loving yourself. You don’t have to put your projections onto someone or something else and how they should be. How they should love you. How they need to fill you. Complete you. We are capable of doing this ourselves. That understanding comes with it’s own pain being we’ve been so conditioned to seek the external.
Here is my loving reminder to come back home. Come back to the self. To yourself.
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As the masterpiece continues to unfold, revealing elusively bold ripples emanating from within.
Touching everything in sight + beyond.
This expansion in presence reveals the interweaving between all that Is. It’s breathtaking + overwhelming.
Uncomfortable is a word that can be used here for me today. Immediately we may leap to uncomfortable is bad. It’s negative.
Can we lean in to that discomfort? Can we lovingly sit and hold space for who/what wishes to come through? Even the negative?
Uncertainty is something we’ve been taught to avoid at all costs.
Prepare. Be on alert. Don’t get caught off-guard.
Phew… that’s exhausting. It isn’t the best use of our energy nor a conducive path for living an authentic life.
To me, this is one of the major ways we can heal our bodies, minds, hearts + souls. Live our fullest expression. This means the stuff that feels icky too. No one has given those icky parts any attention. A voice. An open heart + mind. A hug. A stage. Whatever they need. Forgiveness.
It’s important to do this from a point of loving observation though, or one can be swept away. This can be an adventure + definite experience, not all together necessary as it takes our nervous system much longer to recalibrate and integrate from.
Balance comes to mind. And remembrance. Just like anything we can train our minds and cellular memory to return to love after a deep dance in the darkness. Eventually after practice, that undertone will always be there. That river of love always flowing beneath every experience.
When I continue to choose presence with these aspects of me that come thru, when I tune into and connect with my ancestors, when I’m open to the magic + healing that is always available, I shift.
By doing this, we not only move the energy and clear pathways within the bodies, but we transmute. It heals so that it is not passed on to our children and the dear people in our lives. It clears room to allow for the greatness that wishes to come through for us.
This is big stuff.
We are truly amazing to be able to do this.
As I continue to write these words, I feel more aligned. I feel clearer. I sometimes question myself if I should even be sharing this. It’s one of my shadows I still dance with.
Writing + sharing is a healing space for me. It’s an exercise, a practice that nourishes me. Stirs the fires of authenticity deep within my belly + being. I truly believe that by me sharing my experiences, it will come across the right person who may need to read them.
Choosing to fully anchor into the mundane. To acceptance. To what is.
From that space of connection + gratitude we enter into the creative flow space.
The manifesting space.
The magical Unknown.
Ready for us to pick up our tools and consciously create our masterpieces.
From a space of surrender + choice.
Wishing you a beautiful day. May you align with all that your heart truly desires. May you know your worth to be open to receiving.
Big sloppy love.
Annetta Louise
I welcome your comments, insights and revelations! Please share if it feels right. We are in intense times not only in our inner-worlds but collectively as well. It’s all connected.
Mama Earth nourishes me deeply.
